Friends,

Yesterday I shared the origin story of The Heart Space: how it came to life, and what a beautiful, electric time it was.

So… what happened?

How did it go from a thriving meditation space to a complete stop?

Buckle in!

While I was building The Heart Space, an opportunity arrived.

A close friend in Australia invited me to help him start his own meditation business.

It felt aligned.

Like the universe had my back.

Working with him on the side would give me the financial security I needed to grow The Heart Space into a sustainable business.

So I pressed pause, packed my bag, and flew across the ocean for what I thought would be a week of expansion.

Unknowingly, I crossed the border into the darkest period of my life.

Initially, things felt collaborative.

But it didn’t take long for the dynamic to shift.

I won’t go into the details here, but what unfolded was deeply destabilising.

My friend became emotionally and psychologically abusive.

I believed him to be ‘further along’ on the spiritual path, so I ignored the discomfort in my body.

I pushed past my gut instinct. I told myself, “He must know more than me.”

And in that self-abandonment, I ended up deeply traumatised.

My nervous system crashed. My sense of safety evaporated.

This was one of my closest friends. And he had manipulated me and abused my trust.

I came home and I stopped everything.

The grief, shame, and confusion were overwhelming.

I stepped away from coaching. I let go of The Heart Space. I unplugged from social media. I turned inward.

And I started asking:

How did I end up in such an unsafe situation?

What even is the ‘spiritual path’?

What happens when I look for answers outside of myself?

I've spent the last 7 months exploring these questions and focusing on my own healing.

It’s been quite a discovery to realise what unsafety feels like in the body.

I’ve never experienced trauma like this.

A real rupture in trust and a huge sense of loss.

So I’ve been gently rebuilding.

Through movement practices that help bring my body out of freeze. Therapy. Solo travel around the South Island. Long conversations with close friends. Journaling, singing, screaming. Returning to my somatic meditation practice. Parts work and making peace with my emotions.

And slowly, the layers have begun to lift.

I’ve let go of the constant pressure to ‘get somewhere.’

I’ve stopped looking outside of myself for someone or something to save me.

I’ve learned the importance of boundaries. Of self-trust. Of not outsourcing my wisdom, no matter how appealing someone else’s answers might appear.

I don’t feel the need to be seen as a ’spiritual’ person anymore.

I’ve been humbled by life.

And I don’t want to give the impression that everything is perfect now.

This chapter has been incredibly challenging. And in many ways, it still is.

That experience shook my sense of trust in a deep way.

But I’m learning the meaning of 'there is suffering'.

There’s no part of the ocean where the water stays calm forever.

The waves will come. And with this experience, I’ve learned how to ride with them with more steadiness, resilience, and inner support.

I feel happier. And able to let myself be happy.

Naturally, after such a shaking experience, I’ve questioned what I want to do with my life.

But the answer is still the same: I love coaching. I love facilitating. I love writing, making videos, and guiding meditation.

But I want to do it differently.

I want to be authentically me, in all of my flaws.

I want to create art, a deep expression of how I feel.

I want to follow my joy and see where life takes me.

And after what I would call a crisis of faith, I feel a sense of trust returning.

As if the clouds have parted to remind me of the sun I had forgotten.

This year, I’ve been working part-time at a mental health charity, giving myself the space to heal, reflect, and slowly rebuild.

And now, I feel ready to start sharing my work again.

So, what’s next?

I still hold a big dream close to my heart: to create inclusive spaces where people can reconnect with themselves and each other.

It’s a vision I’m working toward. But I’m focusing on the next step.

What’s emerging now is a workshop - one that brings together everything I’ve been learning about how our nervous system shapes the way we think, feel, and move through the world.

I’ll share all the details with you in the coming days.

For now, just know this:

If you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed, it’s not because you need more willpower.

It’s because your body is craving a new way to feel safe and okay.

Trust me, I've been there.

Thanks for being here 🫶

I hope these past few months have been kind to you. And I’d love to hear how you’ve been if you feel like replying.

With love,

Elliot

Hey, I'm Elliot 👋 I help people to slow down and self-regulate. I’m a mindfulness coach and facilitator. Visit my website at www.elliotcoaching.com for free resources. Or just hit reply and say, hey!